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  • Writer's pictureMariah Aurora

How to Be a Badass

Before we jump into how to be a badass Let's talk about what it means to be a badass.

When I think of all the things that make me a badass (fixing cars, riding motorcycles, bodybuilding, cooking like a boss, doing flawless hair and makeup etc.) I am reminded that it actually has nothing to do with what I'm actually doing, and has everything to do with how these activities make me feel.

Being a badass is all about confidence. When I think of all the badass women I admire the one thing they all have in common is their palpable self-confidence in whatever situation they may be in.

A badass is someone who is comfortable with themselves. Everyone has flaws and badasses just own their shit. Yes, they work on it, try to be better, try not to actively be an asshole to people but they realize we all have shortcomings and they honor theirs and own it.

They are leaders. They are vulnerable. They are open. Think about the traits that you feel make someone badass. They might be different than what I think, and that's OK.

So, How does one become a badass?

First, you have to define what it means for you.

List out the qualities you admire in people. Knowing what you're striving for is the only way you're going to achieve it. Do you respect people who stand up for themselves? Stand up for others? Have unique talents? Wear funky clothes? Do you admire daredevils? List out all the cool qualities you like in other people.

From that list choose the things you would like to aspire to. Even if you feel like it's totally out of reach or impossible. Dream a big dream and write out how you'd like to be more badass in your own life.

Second, you'll need to shift your perception.

You can feel like a badass by getting straight As in school or by ditching school altogether. You can feel amazing when you've figured something out for the first time, or when you teach something you know like the back of your hand. Your perception of what is cool and the stories you tell yourself about what makes you awesome is what determines your ability to feel like a badass.

For example, if you try something new and fail at it the story you tell yourself about what that means for you will either create feelings of inadequacy or triumph. A badass person will tell themselves something like, "That's OK. Now I know how to do it better next time. Let's go again!" while a non-badass might have a story like, "See, I knew I couldn't do it. I'm such a failure."

Do you see how those two stories elicit very different responses, and generate different levels of self-esteem? The facts are exactly the same in both cases. It was literally the exact same outcome but one person chose to have a positive perception of the situation and themselves while the other chose to place a negative meaning on a neutral event.

Third, stop trying to make everyone else happy.

People pleasing doesn't work. Plain and simple. You end up miserable and the person you're trying to please doesn't like it either so your best bet is to just worry about yourself.

This may sound selfish but look at someone you know who is being selfish, are they getting what they want? Yes. Yes they are. As long as you put yourself second and keep trying to live vicariously through others you'll always feel like you're getting the short end of the stick.

When you think of people being selfish do you feel triggered? Angry? U mad bro? Yeah, that's because there is a part of you that is envious. How is it fair that they are so self centered and always get good things, while you're over here trying to be "good" or "nice" and getting trampled like a doormat? It's not fair, but it's how things are. So if you want things to get better for you, you're going to have to be willing to piss a few people off and put yourself first. I don't mean be a douche to people, I just mean setting and enforcing healthy boundaries and standing firm in what you desire for yourself (which is going to trigger people who aren't doing that).

I'm going to repeat this concept because it's very important: You don't have to get everyone to like you, you just have to be OK with how you are. Be comfortable with people not liking you. For each person who doesn't like you, there is someone else out there who aligns with you perfectly and would absolutely love you. Love yourself and be proud of yourself. Own your flaws. Show up unapologetic about who you are! This is how you achieve badass status.

As for step 4, well, step 4 is the hardest part of all of this.

The last piece of this puzzle is fear.

How are you supposed to do all of this when the fear of pissing people off grips you so tightly you feel like you can't breathe?

How can you possibly shift your perceptions when it's the only way you know how to be?

What if your family doesn't like this new version of you?

Will you lose all your friends and end up homeless and alone?

No. Your life is not going to suddenly fall apart when you start asking for what you want. In fact, it's going to get better. But your ego doesn't know that. Your ego's job is to keep you alive and safe which usually manifests as keeping you stuck in a tiny "comfort zone" which isn't actually all that comfortable, but at least it's familiar... I'll tell you a secret though, your ego is a jerk, tell it to shut up so you can get on with your bad self already.

Fear will always be there. Everyone wants to know how to eliminate fear, but the truth is you can't. All you can do is realize that it can't stop you. You can do it scared. You can feel the fear, thank it for trying to keep you safe, then do the damn thing anyway.

Fear is a liar. Fear wants you to believe you can't, you shouldn't, you're not good enough, all lies.

Once you realize that, your world will open up.

For more guidance on how you can turn yourself into one bad mamajama join my Body Beauty Badass coaching program, starting June 10, 2019.

Get the details and apply at


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