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  • Writer's pictureMariah Aurora

4 ways to answer the question: What am I doing with my life?!

Ever feel like, "I don’t know what I am doing with my life!"

Well, that’s normal after a huge life upheaval. Everything is different, your plan for your life is gone and you need to form a new one.

This feeling can consume you and spiral into a depression if you let it, so let’s not let it! Here are 4 steps to help you get rid of that nagging feeling:

1.Realize that it’s ok for your plans to change. You don’t have to have a new plan the instant your last one falls flat.

Not everything in life is going to go as expected. That’s OK. But when you hold on so tightly to the outcome you are expecting and you don’t get it, you can feel devastated. It’s not a fun place to be to think that your life is essentially over because your plans didn’t work out as you thought they should.

This is classic in movies. A character throws their whole life away feeling crappy because they didn’t realize their high school dreams of becoming a pro football player or got a career-ending injury. They were so attached to what they thought their life should be that they missed out on the opportunity to use what happened to create a new plan, and a better life.

2. Stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations of you - even your younger self!

You don’t owe anyone anything. Including yourself as a child! When I was a child all I wanted to be was a runway model. I drew pictures of it, I fantasized about it, I dreamed of it. I was obsessed. As I grew up I realized that there were some things that were out of my control that were going to prevent that from happening (namely curves and being vertically challenged). If I had thought I was betraying myself by not pursuing that dream despite industry standards I would have thrown my entire life away for nothing. Instead, I decided to pivot, I became a makeup artist and worked closely with models creating captivating magazine spreads, movies, and helping everyday women feel like models. And you know what? It was SO FULFILLING. I was glad that I never had to starve myself, or do hours of cardio just to maintain a body that someone else decided I should have.

I did my child self a service by making an adult decision to be happy. To adjust my goals, to give myself permission to grow and change and experience all life has to offer, even if it was a little different that I had originally planned.

If you are trying to hold on tight to a dream for your life and it’s not making you happy ask yourself “Is this my dream or someone else’s?” and if it is yours ask, “Do I still want this now?” Maybe your desires have shifted and you haven’t realized it yet.

If you really want something bad enough you'll find a way to get it. I've seen it over and over. If you don't have that thing you say you so desperately want, it's possible that you don't actually want it as bad as you think you do, and you know what? It's OK! You are allowed to shift your desires. As you get to know yourself better you will discover that some things aren't as important to you anymore. Release your death grip and move on.

3. Give yourself permission to explore what you do want

So, you’ve realized that you no longer want that thing you thought you did, or that it was actually someone else who wanted it for you and now you’re wondering “What do I do now?!”

Now is the time to evaluate what you want out of life TODAY, not what did you want last year, what do you want NOW? It’s OK that you had a goal to build an online magazine then after working on it for a few months you realize that it’s not your thing. You don’t have to keep throwing good money after bad, as they say.

Give yourself permission to get in touch with your intuition, your higher self, and accept what you desire now! You can meditate, journal, work it out with a friend or therapist, just be honest with yourself.

Take your time and do this without judgment. You are allowed to want what you want even if no one else gets it.

4. Take things one day at a time.

You don’t need a new 10 year plan or 5 year plan. You need a new “what am I going to do today” plan. While going through this process it’s important to honor yourself, your desires and take inspired action. Get connected to your higher self and the universe and allow yourself to decide what this weekend will look like. You don’t need to have your whole life figured out. It’s OK to take things one day at a time. Taking things one day at a time means we are releasing our need to control the outcomes. We are allowing ourselves to relax into the idea that life is enjoyable just because, that we are able to find the enjoyment in our day-to-day activities.

When my father died from cancer I was caught up in the idea that I had to make EVERY DAY COUNT, our life wasn’t guaranteed so I threw delayed gratification to the wind and decided if I didn’t reap the benefits from things TODAY they weren’t worth my time. Now, after years of healing I can see that there are some flaws in that thinking, but what I can say is that I saw many benefits to living more in the moment and not being so worried about tomorrow.

So when you are going through a period of upheaval, uncertainty, or overwhelming stress, as so many of us are these days, give yourself permission to live in the moment a little more and dwell on tomorrow a little less.

For more information on how you can get some more guidance and support while you go through this process book a free 20 minute coaching session below.

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